我的自言自語

"Maybe"

If there is ever a word that stops us in our tracks, it's that.

"Maybe" represents hope, possibility, and uncertainity that allows us the courage of attempts.

We are drawn towards it, tempted by the sweetness of success, hopeing that even against the odds, we'll land on that 1 out of 100 chance

As long as there is uncertainty, as long as there is a possibility, we can always dream.

Yet, the reality is that most of the time, we never to do get to that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The rainbow always seems to disappear midway on our journey.

And somewhere along the way we realise that our attempts are futile; that 1% success rate is as good as zero.

We are only left with the stings of disappointment.

So why do we try so hard for?

So scared are we of getting hurt,

so scared are we of missing the opportunity,

so enticed are we of the "what if," that we are willing to brave the wind and rain just to try.

I cry not because of the dark, but because I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I pick myself and keep walking because I believe that there is an exit and that the tunnel doesn't just lead to a dead end.

Yet how many times do I find myself taking the wrong turn in the blackness of the maze and facing a wall.

I'm frustrated not because of all the wrong turns, but because I'm afraid that I won't be able to get out, that I'll forever be stuck in this endless loop, that I'll be stuck alone in the dark with nobody to turn to.

But, somehow, I cannot keep myself away from exploring ever corner lest I miss out.

There is a price for wanting too much. And I often ask myself why I'm willling unwillingly to pay.

My friends ask me, "What's wrong being average? What's wrong being normal?"

I ask myself, "Why can't I be the same like everyone else, content with what they have, content with who they are, content with what the society has to offer to them?"

Why?

Because I'm not.

I hate being average, I hate being the same.

I want to be different.

I'm not content with what I have, I'm not content with myself.

What the society has to offer is beyond my interest.

I'm my own pillar because frankly, I don't find the society very supportive.

My answers to my friends: everything, it makes all the difference.